Many clients are aghast at the stories I tell them about some appointments. Most people I see every day are actually very caring and loving towards the pets in their homes.
Many people comment that I like animals more than people and I would say that is mostly a true statement. They also mentioned that I am the least politically correct person they have ever met and I thank them for that compliment. I find the word “human” a very difficult word since many people by action can be more like wild animals. In contrast, the word “animal” in reference to them I view as an insult. Most creatures are more human and humane than any person on two legs. For those who understand visual better, at the bottom of this page is a chart explaining it further. Let the following be clearly understood… as a medical doctor is obligated to report abuse, I am no different. By profession and license, I can and will report anyone who hits any creature in my presence.
- Hey little furry faces, there is no biting, jumping out of the bathtub or off the grooming table!
- No eating the groomer’s lunch!
- No driving away if your pal is in the bathtub and you are sitting in the front seat looking out the window dreaming of Wendy’s.
- No phone calls on the mobile ordering pizza.
These are not negotiable items.
- NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO HIT, SCREAM OR YELL AT THEIR PET. This will make me very unpleasant!
- It is not nice.
- It proves that people should be the ones with muzzles, tranquilizers and nooses not the animals.
- I will not tolerate such behavior towards any creature.
- Owners may not reprimand their pet. Since I am the one with the 14 inch scissors, for your pet’s safety, the only person in the van your pet should be paying attention to and following directions from is me.
- Owners may not touch or play with items in the van.
- Owners may not go in and out of the van during grooming. Once inside the van, the owner needs to stay in or out. Your pets undivided attention is extremely important to their safety. If they are distracted by kids running around the van, owners popping in and out, the risk of injury is very high.
Celebrity Pet Grooming Rules
Due to the increase of so-called celebrities wanting their pets groomed, this might be worth your time to read. If you are famous in the media and you think that carries any weight with me, you might as well hit the back arrow now. If you are fine with being treated as a normal person, read on.
I have never really understood the entire “famous” or “celebrity” thing. Possibly it is because I have been around famous people since I was a teenager. Possibly it is that I was too young and dumb to know that I was supposed to be impressed by most people’s standards. Or it could be that due to the people I knew at such a young age, they were just everyday people like anyone else. The only difference being is that you folks make more money than should be allowed by law and morals and you do not have to ever ask how much?
So here is the deal. My current clients are the people who are responsible for me having a roof over my head and most have been with me from the beginning. They come first, not someone just passing through town or visiting for a day or two. The well known people that I would alter these rules, such as Seti the I or II, Ramses the II or III, Da Vinci, Moses (what was he thinking?), etc. are all dead.
- Please do not expect me to cancel my clients the next day or that day so your pet can be groomed.
- No personal checks, only USPS money orders or cash.
- I do not talk to lackeys or gofers. This is your pet you can take the time to answer all the questions I have about your pet. You must sign the form.
- I have no idea what is up with you folks always asking “Do you want a photograph with me and my autograph?” Only if you want my picture and my autograph. But the real answer would be NO! Because I do not care! I just want to be paid for grooming your pet!
- If you want me to come out after normal business hours, well…your price just went up… A LOT. Possibly the cost of my mortgage payment, depends on what time I had thought about getting into my jammies.
- Using the “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!?” ploy more than likely will result in you hearing a dial tone.
So to recap, you “famous” folks to me are no different than my senior citizen client on social security except for the money you make, hence, you are treated as everyone else.
First, this is how I make my living and pay my bills. Second, people are waiting for appointments — the time I could be doing someone else’s pet is spent driving and waiting for someone to come home. Consequently, just like most doctor or dentist offices, I charge a fee. There is a 36-hour notice required or you will be billed for that appointment before you can either re-book or continue with your regular, scheduled appointments.
Check or cash are the two payment options. There is no longer a charge card option due to the ever-increasing cost of those services.
|Muzzle||NEVER||Many should be|
|Noose||NEVER||Some should be|
tempted but jail offense
|Screaming or nagging at pet||NEVER||Save it for your spouse|
|It’s just a dumb animal||Have not met one yet||Cannot say the same about many humans|
|Tranquilizers||NEVER nor will use||Might be helpful if the client took them|